Sharpening Your Saw: Body, Mind, Spirit & Soul
We may have all been exposed to someone who is a taker. A taker takes. I tell my husband, “There are people who will take the words right out of your mouth.” A taker gains something from a relationship with no heartfelt change and only self-involved motives. Takers value wealth, power, pleasure, and winning. Do you know someone who always has to win? Their mantra would be, “I win; you lose.” A taker desires money and material things above all things. A taker wants control over others and continually seeks to do better than others. A taker doesn’t understand there is enough for everyone.
Ironically, a giver can be a taker in disguise. When you hear the phrase “I’m a giver, not a taker,” what comes to mind? I think the person who uses that phrase is a taker in disguise, unaware of the traits that point to being a taker, not a giver.
Characteristics of a Giver
Givers value being helpful, working for the well-being of others. A giver is dependable, usually cares for the disadvantaged, and is compassionate. A giver responds to the needs of others, but they do not put the needs of others before their own—that’s a martyr. A giver gives with no strings attached, no expectation of something in return, not a gift or a favor.
So, how can a giver be a taker?
Let’s say Julia and Zora are a dinner party. Julia comments on Zora’s dress.
“Isn’t Zora’s dress beautiful?”
Fred agrees. Other people standing in the circle also agree.
Julia says, “I gave it to her. I spent hours looking for it.” Julia takes the attention away from the dress and Zora and places it on herself. Julia neglects to consider Zora’s feelings and focuses on her giving.
Two days later, Julia walks into her colleagues’ office. “I’m happy you were chosen as teacher of the month. Aren’t you glad I helped you get this position?” Making it known that Julia helped her colleague gives Julia power. An unspoken power that indicates “It’s because of me you are here.”
Julia believes she is a giver. She gives to help others. She gives to be helpful. On the other hand, Julia’s giving allows her to receive compliments. She gives to boast of her kindness.
What Julia doesn’t realize her giving has taker characteristics. She doesn’t consider others’ opinions or interests above her own. She gives to others what she believes is beneficial. She’s not building a friendship but being selfish. Me, me, me.
The humble spirit of a giver
Me, Me, Me is not the humble spirit of a giver. Apostle Paul tells the Philippians to “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit [through factional motives, or strife], but with [an attitude of] humility [being neither arrogant nor self-righteous], regard others as more important than yourselves. Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4, AMP).
Therefore, being helpful indicates the giver must consider the other person’s feelings, give them the freedom to choose. Otherwise, it may seem as though the giver has the mindset to manipulate the situation or to control a person or get something in return.
It’s just a thought: can a giver be a taker?
Until next time.
Praying God’s best life for you!
