Sharpening social and emotional
My daughter recently started a six-month Co-op, where she will apply what she’s learned in the classroom on the job. In preparation she needed to decide her transportation options: take public transportation or drive her car. She decided to drive because the 20-minute commute was less time than public transportation. She also knew that getting up early for a short commute fit her lifestyle. She considered her success rate at prior jobs realizing the closer she lived to work the more likely she would get to work on time. She knew herself, at least this part of herself.
Knowing thyself is important. Knowing thyself is also a process. To know thyself you must trust your inner self, your habits, and your deepest values. What I have learned about knowing thyself, age is not a factor. Knowing thyself is the social and emotional dimension of sharpening your saw. It’s personal security when you are secure within yourself. That’s why it’s a process.
Let me give you an example, Barbara and Mae
Barbara went to visit her newly divorced daughter, Mae. Mae had settled into her new home and her lifestyle. Mae had adjusted to seeing her children every other week, being alone in her home, traveling, and being single. Mae had been through a divorce war and she won the necessary battles. So, when Barbara extended her visit, Mae grew annoyed. She knew she did not want her mother to live with her. However, what Mae did not know was that her mother was insecure and projected her insecurity onto Mae.
Barbara said things like: “Living in this house alone must be scary.” “How are you going to pay all these bills by yourself?” “You need to start dating.” “Don’t you miss your children?”
Mae knew she didn’t want to date. She also knew she could pay her bills on her salary; even traveling alone had become adventurous. Mae felt secure within herself about her new life.
Several months later, after Mae told her mother, she could not live with her. Barbara started dating and got married within three months because she didn’t want to be alone. Despite her financial security, she depended on people to give her security.
By no means did Mae live in the state of self-denial or self-illusion. She tussled with the scripture: “Honor your father and mother, so that you may live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). Still, Mae knew her mother would smother her. She had moved out at 18-years-old and even in the hard times refused to return to her mother’s abode. Mae took pride in her independence and praised God for her courage.
Even though Barbara was older than Mae, she did not know herself. She didn’t attempt to sharpen her social and emotional saw instead it grew dull. In its dullness, she plopped her pain and fear onto her daughter, Mae. Barbara had not learned how to be independent. She had visualized living with her daughter, so she wouldn’t have to live or travel alone.
As Mae continued to know herself, and respect what she knew about herself, she also grew to know God and the best that God had for her.
How to get to know thyself:
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! (Psalm 139:23 ESV).
The Johari Window is a model for mapping personal awareness.
There are four dimensions to the self: open, blind, hidden, and unknown. Open is what is known to ourselves and know others. Blind is what others know about us that we do not know about ourselves. Hidden is what we know about ourselves but choose not to reveal to others. Unknown is the area of the unconscious, containing dung and treasure, loves, and hates. Reflection and meditation is the way of altering our window.
During this time, we need to examine ourselves. My favorite scripture in reviewing myself is “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!” I have to sit with this scripture and listen to what God is telling me to discover about what part of my private life I do not share and why I do not share. Usually, it’s fear of judgment or shame or both.
However, I have also come to know thyself, understanding that I do not need to share everything about myself, some parts of my life are merely private. Other parts of my life can be shared, with a trusted companion, because I don’t want to put on a brave front and pretend I’m okay when someone could help me.
Knowing thyself takes self-reflection: where I have been, what I have done and where I’m going. Self-reflections convict my soul and show me that I need more discipline. Self-reflection help me sharpen my saw: mind, body, soul, and heart. When I self-reflect, I understand me and my motives; thus, I know thyself.
I’m not the type of person who shares her self-reflections with other people instead I work through my stuff in my diary, journal, or notebook. I do not like unsolicited feedback—people telling me what to do or how to do it. I’m not opposed to wise counsel when I’m seeking wise counsel. But who better knows me than my Creator and me.
In the words of St Augustine, “How can you draw close to God when you are far from your self?”
“How can you draw close to God when you are far from your self?”
He writes, “I could not exist; therefore, my God, were it not for your existence in me. Or would it be truer to say that I could not exist unless I existed in You, of whom are all things, by whom are all things, in whom are all things?” (St Augustine, Confessions, Book 1, Chapter 2).
May God’s love abound in your life.
Source: Elizabeth O’Connor, Scattered Letters to Pilgrims
After reading the story of Barbara and Mae I was wondering how could Barbara be incure for wanting to stay with Mae for a while. She only came when she heard the daughter was going through the divorce and wanted to stay and help. I think Mae misunderstood Barbara’s intentions Barbara and Mae should have shared their feelings earlier. I think Barbara loved Mae so much she reacted with out considering or asking Mae how she felt. God worked it out out and I hope Barbara read this and learn something as she sharpen her ax. And I praise God that you have moved on and depending on God to order your steps. I am sure that’s what your mother want. Thanks for the article
Thank you for reading and your commenting on misunderstanding.
Until the next post