Sharpening the Saw: Spiritual,
Value Clarification & Commitment
I hope you enjoyed the Trust series of Sharpening your Saw. Trust is a big issue with self and with others. Trust determines our state of being in all areas of our life. Now, if you didn’t have the opportunity to follow the trust series on social media: Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn, click on SharpeningthesawTrustseries and join the conversation.
The Trust series stemmed from Stephen M.R. Covey’s book The Speed of Trust, The One Thing That Changes Everything. The Facebook page Off the Hooks received the most conversations about trust. Thank you. If I were giving the book away as a prize, there would be a tie. Of course, my copy is marked up and dogged eared. Ah, a giveaway, now that’s a new idea for Off the Hooks.
I’ve had The Speed of Trust for almost two years. Somewhere between engagement and elopement, my husband gave me the book. He knows I love to read and am frequently quoting Stephen Covey although the writer of this book is Covey’s son. I put the book on a shelf; the title didn’t interest me then. My husband also gave me this book because he and I were entering new territory.
New Territory
When we got engaged, I said I wanted to keep my apartment after we were married. My husband, John, asked if I were hiding something.
I wasn’t. I just didn’t want to give up my place. I loved it. It was a loft, a writer’s garret. A room of my own that I’d wanted for years. Each step on the staircase housed books, from the craft of writing, to journals, and literature anthologies to bible dictionaries. On the coffee table and under the coffee table were my research books. The window sills held dictionaries and classics, and the TV stand housed novels and poetry. In corners of the living room were children’s books from Dr. Seuss to James and Lesa Ransome’s children’s illustrations. On the side tables my diaries, journal, and notebooks along with Bibles and lamps and candles. My desk brimmed with stacks of papers whether I was writing, grading or reading. And those papers and books often kept me company at night.
My journals and diaries on the side table in the living room.
Wherever I moved throughout my loft, I was reminded I was a writer. As James Baldwin said in a 1984 interview with The Paris Review, “Write. Find a way to keep alive and write. There is nothing else to say. If you are going to be a writer there is nothing I can say to stop you; if you’re not going to be a writer there is nothing I can say will help you. What you really need at the beginning is somebody to let you know the effort is real.” My loft brought me all the comforts of a having a room of one’s own to write. I didn’t want to give that up. I didn’t trust myself to be free to write and share my space after getting married. I didn’t imagine that my husband would understand that the writing effort for me was real.
John complied. I kept my apartment while I wrote my dissertation. However, he also said I didn’t have to teach while writing. I could just focus and write. Maybe he understood the writing effort was real; that’s what I wanted to believe. I knew he understood the dissertation writing was hard work, and I had planned to finish my dissertation within one year—which I did.
I loved the idea of not teaching and just writing. I didn’t like the idea of not having my own money—a paycheck that I earned. I did not like the idea of having to ask someone, even my husband, for money to care for myself. I told him, so. He said if you don’t trust me, trust God. I trust God with all of me. However, after we were married, I taught three classes during the spring semester while writing my dissertation. I was trusting God to let me see if I could trust this man, my husband, with my financial well-being. If I had read the book, The Speed of Trust, it’s possible I would not have worked the spring semester, and I would not have felt so much pressure to finish based on my self-appointed deadline.
What I learned about the Speed of Trust
What I learned about myself, based on the concepts in The Speed of Trust: I don’t trust others who don’t make things happen or keep their commitments. I have a low level of trust when people seem to have an agenda or motives and are not capable of doing what they say.
What I learned from the social media ongoing conversation about trust: many of us don’t trust easily, particularly when we have trusted someone and they let us down. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
What I’ve learned about my husband, I know he understands my writing effort is real.
Until next time,
I pray God’s best for you!